The Top 5 Characters We'd Love To See Go Toe-to-Toe With M3GAN

Annabelle vs. M3GAN? Too obvious. Let's dig deeper.

By Scott Wampler · @ScottWamplerRIP · January 6, 2023, 1:07 PM EST
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So far, Gerard Johnstone's M3GAN has racked up a 95% on Rotten Tomatoes, is on track to earn somewhere between $17-20M in theaters across its opening weekend (small potatoes to James Cameron, perhaps, but sizable potatoes to a film with a $12M production budget), and wildly positive reactions from those who've already seen it are splashed all over our social media feeds. The people are, in fact, entertained.

All of which is to say, it's probably not too early to start thinking about M3GAN's future as a franchise. Yes, some of us are burned out on franchise filmmaking, shared universes, and sequels which - more often than not - tend to find nothing more than diminishing creative returns, but let's be honest with ourselves here: someone's probably cracking the plot for M3GAN 2 even as we speak.

While some fans have already been calling for an "Annabelle vs. M3GAN" movie (a suggestion executive producer James Wan has already eliminated as a possibility, thanks to the characters belonging to different studios), we here at FANGORIA think "killer doll vs. killer doll" is a fairly obvious and uninspired suggestion, and as such I have taken it upon myself to determine the top 5 characters we would most like to see go toe-to-toe with M3GAN in a follow-up film.

The picks might be a little outside the box, but my reasoning is sound. Let's begin.

thomas-j-my-girl

M3GAN VS. THOMAS J (My Girl, 1991)

In M3GAN vs. Thomas J, our killer robot friend faces off against the reanimated corpse of Thomas J, the character Macaulay Culkin played in 1991's My Girl. Everyone who's seen that film can tell you that Thomas J has two major weaknesses: not having his glasses, and bees. In this film's spectacular conclusion, M3GAN will use that knowledge to her natural advantage, lobbing bee hives into Thomas J's secret lair like hand grenades and utilizing two crossbows (one held in her arms, the other with her feet) to take out his glasses the moment he flees out the front door. Back in the ground where you belong, Thomas J.

Winner: M3GAN

ED-209

M3GAN VS. ED-209 (Robocop, 1987)

In Paul Verhoeven's RoboCop, ED-209 (Enforcement Droid Series 209, if ya nasty) serves as the foil to the film's titular law enforcement officer. Like M3GAN, it is a manmade machine with a taste for blood and justice. In M3GAN vs. ED-209, we will experience all-out robot-on-robot mayhem, culminating in a massive battle on the streets of Detroit. Unfortunately, ED-209's natural inability to climb stairs will once again prove his undoing when M3GAN lures him into a stair factory, entangles his legs in piano wire, and rips out the mechanical guts ED-209 uses for a brain. M3GAN will then convert ED-209's corpse into a mech suit, setting up a sequel (Mecha-M3GAN vs. Rodan).

Winner: M3GAN

barton-fink-john-goodman

M3GAN VS. CHARLIE MUNDT (Barton Fink, 1991)

In M3GAN vs. Charlie Mundt, M3GAN travels back in time to Los Angeles in the 1940's, where she encounters John Goodman's Barton Fink character mere weeks before the events of that 1991 film. The two seem to get along well enough in the beginning, but soon Charlie's intrusive behavior causes M3GAN to sour on their newfound friendship. Things escalate (as things often do when these two characters are involved), and eventually these two heavyweights find themselves locked in a gruesome battle to the death in a wrestling ring on the Capitol Pictures lot. In the film's closing moments, we learn that the Charlie Mundt we met in Barton Fink was, in fact, a ghost all along.

Winner: M3GAN

halloween-kills-strodes

M3GAN VS. THE CONCEPT OF GENERATIONAL TRAUMA AS DEPICTED IN DAVID GORDON GREEN'S HALLOWEEN TRILOGY (Various, 2018-2022)

Perhaps the most abstract entry on this list, M3GAN vs. The Concept of Generational Trauma as Depicted in David Gordon Green's Halloween Trilogy will show us, in graphic detail, what happens when an unstoppable force (camp) meets an immovable object (trauma horror). The result? A film that pleases absolutely no one. I can't believe we're gonna make this. It will earn an 11% on Rotten Tomatoes, $22,000 at the worldwide box office, and will later be reclaimed as a misunderstood masterpiece by Film Twitter in 2046.

Winner: Nobody

newsies

M3GAN VS. THE NEWSIES (Newsies, 1992)

Kenny Ortega returns to the film he launched thirty years ago with M3GAN vs. The Newsies, an all-singing, all-dancing horror romp that will have you cheering in your seat. The Newsies, each of them now over 125 years old, have just settled into a state-of-the-art retirement community when "Racetrack" Higgins' great-great-great granddaughter brings M3GAN along with her on a family visit. Things seem peaceful enough during their first meeting, but soon enough the Newsies' insistence on turning every conversation into an 8-minute song and dance routine causes M3GAN to lose her patience ... and for the Newsies to lose their lives.

Winner: M3GAN