“13/13/13” (DVD Review)
Taking a break from MEGA THIS and GIANT THAT and focusing on a smaller story, The Asylum brought us 13/13/13, a film devoid of any creatures that instead tries its hand at suspense—and ultimately leaves one wishing for more shark tales.
James Cullen (HATE CRIME) Bressack’s film introduces its protagonist Jack as he returns from a camping trip with his buddies. Upon arriving at his home, he finds his ex-wife Marcy in a delusional state, self-inflicting a wound on her arm. After leaving his daughter Kendra in the care of his best friends, Jack rushes Marcy to the emergency room. However, once there, the tension in the hospital heats up as the staff starts to become overly aggressive, each one becoming more furious than the last and losing their minds. The hallway walls become coated with blood as multiple patients die; everyone in the world seems to have gone cuckoo, including Kendra, Jack’s best pals and Marcy.
In order to survive the hospital-turned-madhouse, Jack teams up with a nurse named Candace, who is apparently the only other person who hasn’t become a violent crank. Candace conveniently fills in all the gaps in the plot: the Mayan calendar has ruled this day as 13/13/13, and because the leap year was supposed to add a month after 120 years, mankind is out of time. Being that Jack and Candace were born on the leap year and are somehow safe from becoming psycho, they must now make it back home in order to save his daughter.
13/13/13 is a take on THE CRAZIES with supernatural twists. Unfortunately, it’s The Asylum’s take on that film, which means a tiny budget, brief shooting schedule and lack of quality talent, which results in the failure to deliver a compelling story. When the dialogue isn’t groan-inducing, the neverending score is just as grating to listen to. The filmmakers spend too much time showing people sitting around and laughing at each other because, well, they’ve gone bonkers. If that isn’t maddening enough, throw in Jack’s pointless backstory at the wrong time, and you’ve got a film where everyone is going insane, but perhaps none more than the viewer.
Not surprisingly, the film misses the mark in almost every technical area as well. The photography, audio and editing are all inconsistent—though they’re what one might expect from a film whose DVD cover image never appears in the movie itself. Interesting fact about the Mayan calendar: On the date of 13/13/13, there won’t be any color correction. The unimpressive special features include a making-of segment, a gag reel and some trailers.
13/13/13 is an effort that offers very little worth. If only the Mayans could have seen this coming, they might have adjusted their calendar accordingly.