It goes without saying that time is a precious commodity. The average work week is 40 hours, and we still have to factor in sleep time before we can take the rest to enjoy life. Every now and then, something comes along and reminds us how precious our free time is, or makes us question our decisions in life. For me, this something was COLD CREEPY FEELING: PARANORMAL EXORCISM.

Anyone who knows anything about horror movies knows one thing: Vampires are cool. They’ve always been a staple of genre cinema, from Bela Lugosi to Hammer films to DARK SHADOWS to the fun jiang-shi or “hopping vampires” presented by many Hong Kong filmmakers. Their neighbors to the north in South Korea have gotten into the act with HIGANJIMA (whose subtitle ESCAPE FROM VAMPIRE ISLAND is more prominent on FUNimation’s Blu-ray/DVD combo packaging).

An eye for an eye, treat others as you wish to be treated, “Karma is a motherf**ker…” All lessons that Lance Reed learns the hard way from a homicidal stranger with an ax (among other things) to grind in CHOP, now on DVD from Vivendi Entertainment.

Made for $2,500, DEAD HOOKER IN A TRUNK (on DVD tomorrow from IFC Films and MPI Media) is the debut film from the Soska Sisters, twins Jen and Sylvia. In an attempt to kick out a first film that’s impossible to ignore, the Soskas wrote, directed, produced and starred in this absurd and outrageous little feature that takes place in a world I cannot begin to understand. None of the characters can be related to on any level, since they make horrible decision after horrible decision. This also makes the flick one hell of a hoot.

The reality is that we’ve seen this all before: Killer’s monologues that take a shot at being philosophical. The far-too-pretty criminal forensic profiler new to the case. The gruff, seasoned cop who hates the idea of having to work alongside anyone, though it may help save the victims. The convicted murderer who helps the detective on the case by offering clues in self-indulgent rants. The clichés are all here in A DARKER REALITY, now on DVD from Phase 4 Films.

The new year is upon us, fellow Fangorians—a time of new beginnings, new experiences and, for some of us, new straight-to-DVD movies to review. However, rather like the morning after a night spent guzzling cheap champagne, THE HUNTERS (Lionsgate) is a bad hangover of a movie, starring Steve Waddington (SLEEPY HOLLOW, LAST OF THE MOHICANS) and GLEE’s Dianna Agron, along with Chris Briant, who also directed.

In general, there are really two types of bad film. The first is the empty cash grab—a film that has a minimum of care and craft in its creation, because the filmmakers see it as a quickie profit device and nothing more. The second type is the “noblest intentions” sort. Its creators were passionate about the project, felt they had a strong, compelling vision and were more than likely convinced that they really had something that an audience would find interesting and engaging. Be they ambitious, enthusiastic amateurs or myopic, egocentric auteurs, the final result is a film that is, for general audiences, unwatchable rubbish.